Heart After Hope

Pain is beautiful in comparison to this.
This familiar sense of nothingness,
Heart, mind and soul engulfed.
Not only unable to feel emotions:
Unwilling to.
Crimson ribbons emblazon wrists,
Exotic bangles on the white palette of emptiness.
Black lines crawl adamantly from eyes,
Eyes encircled, red and blotchy,
Tired of caring.
Tired of crying.
Tired of wanting.
Tired of trying.

Chats :)

Nothing much new to tell really.. Have had a good weekend so far :) Alove was nice on Friday just sitting having chats with the guys and Michelle. Yesterday i gave my oyster form into the post office (finally!), had a nice day at Canary Wharf with my Mum then spent the evening at Constance's house - had a bbq then played a really long game of hide and seek - i think we had more fun than the kids!! Today we've been to church already and are going back tonight for First Sunday which (i hope) will be good.


DOXOLOGY GIG ON THE 12TH!! - UBER EXCITED :)



And the week after this, I'm on a week's fashion course thing at UEL which i'm also looking forward to :)
Then we're out of school for the summer. The sun better start shining because I want to spend long days soaking it up, lying on the grass in various parks with my girls :)
In August we'll be in Spain so it'll be sun, shops, sand and sea for me :D
And then after a long lazy summer which will fly by no doubt, its back to school and i think we only have about nine months left from September. Woohoo :)

And now i have about half an hour to get ready before Lauren gets here.

Haven't..

Written in here for a while. Haven't done a few things for a while if i'm honest. For the last two weeks i've been on work experience. I did my first week in physio therapy and the second in speech and language therapy (both in the NHS). The first week was quite good - the highlight of my week being helping out at a conference that my mum had organised. Apart from that day though, my first week consisted mainly of observing the physios doing their jobs. The second week however, was much more enjoyable as i had more tasks to do and didn't just feel as if i was wasting my time. I also got a better look at the NHS as i wasn't based in a hospital and got to work directly with patients which was great! I have now finished my history GCSE - which i took in a year - so that's a bit of a relief, my other subjects on the other hand aren't as tied up. I need to complete an English piece of coursework and two pieces for science. I really need to get out of school but still have another year left! Looking forward to the summer and just getting away from it all. I got a kitten last week which was good :) she's extremely cute but won't leave you alone when you're trying to eat. She's into EVERYTHING - i now know why curiosity killed the cat, after her trying to climb into our dishwasher!! She is, right this second attacking a five pence piece. I have now written just over nine thousand words of my possible novel and have decided which course i want to take at university - even if i do have about four years until i go to uni. I definitely want to have a career in fashion so am looking to take a course in fashion promotion and imaging :)
My weekend is set to be exciting, so i'm looking forward to that :)

Unfortunately for me though - after fifteen years of avoiding it - i think i am suffering from hayfever.
I will survive :)
And now i'm about to have a bath. Fun, Fun, Fun :)

The truth - surprisingly - doesn't always hurt.

One of my closest friends spun me a lie the other day that i truly believed. She asked me to call her tonight, so i did. When i was on the phone to her she admitted to me that she'd been lying and apologised over and over. She was crying and was obviously disappointed in herself.

It's strange, because even though I was proud of her when i believed the lie - i wasn't disappointed when I heard the truth.

You'd think that when a person you love tells you the truth and it's something nobody would want to be true that you would be upset with them. But this time - with this person - it was the opposite. I think that maybe the fact that she was so upset with herself made me feel differently than what would be expected.

The truth is; she is what she is. I can't change that. And I don't think I'd want to. I cherish the relationships I've made in my life. I'm not going to let something that is in actual fact nothing to do with me jeopardise that. It's all in the past. All I'm interested in now is the future :)

Fly by :)

At fifeen years old I feel as if I have matured beyond my years. I know that I will look back in a few years time at myself at this age and think that I was so young at fifteen - just how my friends and I look back at ourselves a few years ago, and know we were extremely immature. Even though this is true, I still feel like I am so much more grown up than alot of the people in my year. My peers acting like idiots and being immature must be the main reason that I want to leave and get on with my life away from the people that obviously have a problem with me - and for no real reason.

Only a year left of Secondary School. Wooh Wooh!! :)

I know it's going to fly by :)

Inspired by Panorama

I'm not being judgemental - some people do have legitimate reasons for being unemployed - but how can human beings that are physically and mentally able to work, not? How can a person just sit on their backsides all day every day, claiming benefits and not do a decent days work their whole lives?

I, of course can not predict my future, but do feel, in my present mindset that I would be bored stiff staying indoors all day on my own. I believe that having a job/career is not simply about making money - it is just as importantly about practising social skills and meeting new and interesting people.

Without being in the world of work, how can one be expected to keep up to date in their outlook on life and their knowledge of the diverse world we live in?

Also, if a child is born into and grows up being influenced by parents that have never done a days work - where is the child's incentive to go out and get a job when they are old enough? There would be almost no reason in their minds for them not to live a comfortable life in a council house and claiming benefits.

To state it plainly, I believe that being employed and having job-satisfaction is beneficial for any person.


AlLy :)